What should I get for my best friend whos unborn baby just died?

My best friend moved away last Decemeber, she is 30yo, and since then her and her husband had gotten pregnant. She had a complicated pregnancy the entire time, and last wk at approx 6ms pregant, she lost the baby. She is not doing so well, and I know it is going to take a long time to learn how to cope with it. I thought of the idea to put a box together for her, me and some other friends, instead of just sending her flowers, like everyone else. I am trying to think of some good things to put in her box, that will show her how many people care about her and just try to make her feel a little bit better. Does anyone have any suggestions to what I could include in there? Thank you in advance:)

What should I get for my best friend whos unborn baby just died?
Our daughter was recently born still born and I am not trying to speak for your friend, but during our grieving it has been nice to have those that are willing to listen and not send another I am sorry card. My one friend took me out for a day of pampering and it was very nice to have a little time where I felt like I could clear my head just her and I. Another gave us a seedling to plant and that meant alot as well. I would suggest something like that if you feel like you want to do something for them or her. Just let her know you are there for them right now, that alone means alot. No matter how far you are in your pregnancy it is still a very hard thing to cope with. We were full term when we lost our precious daughter and although yes it is hard, I know we will get through this and I just have to believe she is in a better place.
Reply:Don%26#039;t Worry About What To Get Her. It Won%26#039;t matter. Just Be There For Her.
Reply:I just lost my son on August 28th. He was 45 years old, but your child is your child no matter what the age. What meant the most to me (from those who couldn%26#039;t actually talk to me in person) were the beautiful cards and notes that expressed their compassion. Also, things such as an angel pin that was to remind me that my loved one is in heaven now, and a framed Bible verse: Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4. Perhaps a cute Precious Moments figurine, or something similar that is special to your friend would be nice. Your friend is fortunate to have a friend like you who is trying to make her feel better. I hope that my suggestions help.
Reply:Sylvia Browne books.





They will help her understand why her baby did not make it full term, but that it is normal and natural.
Reply:Maybe put some things in there to pamper her. Soaps, lotions, etc. Just womanly things that she%26#039;ll need to help take care of herself and keep her spirits up through this rough time. Possibly some self-help books that she can read about dealing with grief and loss also. Our bible study group is getting together a gift for someone in our group who just miscarried and someone had the idea of including a Willow Tree angel in the gift. Have you seen those? Apparently they have different angels for different purposes and there is a %26quot;Rememberance Angel%26quot; to honor the loss of a loved one. You may want to include one of those. It%26#039;s a great idea to do what you%26#039;re doing, and I%26#039;m sure she%26#039;ll know how much you all care about her.
Reply:Your PRESENCE would mean a lot. How far away did she move?
Reply:honestly if there was a way i%26#039;d say one of you try to go see her that would be best but if not maybe pics and momentos of stuff you guys did together (happier times) and probably a teddy bear oh and something for her to break or tear apart.
Reply:she wouldn%26#039;t have officially named her baby but perhaps she had a name in mind, you can register a star in the baby%26#039;s name, stars are in the heavens, babys in heaven, all she need to to remember her little one is look into the night sky.
Reply:There%26#039;s absolutely nothing that you can give her to console her. Gifts aren%26#039;t going to help her, in fact everytime she looks at the gifts in the future, the memories will come rushing back, that%26#039;s not good. Its best to send her flowers and a card and visit her often.








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Carrots anyone?
Reply:You should get her and yourself a spa treatment. Take her to a nice spa and be there with her. Perhaps between being able to relax and having her friend with her it will help her to ease the pain of her loss. By the way I%26#039;m so sorry this happened. Know this, that baby is not really dead. The baby is now in Heaven with God. And if she accepts Christ or if she has done it already she will get to be with her child in Heaven. So if she accepts Christ she may have lost her child on Earth. However, she will be reunited with the child in Heaven.
Reply:that%26#039;s a toughy. maybe have people just write letters? that%26#039;s a toughy. this is a very sensitive situation. if i had to put something in the box, i would pick something of mine that i really like and just give it to her, even if it was my favorite. but what to give her is the question. i would just be there for her. maybe have people write letters saying that they are there for her whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on or somebody to just listen.
Reply:i can sympathizes with her (and you being the best friend,) my older sis lost a total of 5 kids, 2 were still born, and old enough to bury. :( . what you can do i put into your box some white candles (white for the purity of the child%26#039;s death.) and tell her to burn a candle every day all day in remembrance of her child, this is something she will NEVER forget. its a hard thing to accept that GOD would call your child home. but he has his reasons. GOD be with her in her time of need and sorrow. i wish her and her family good luck and a healthy pregnancy in the future. my heartfelt condolences to her and her family.
Reply:I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I like your idea about a box of good things rather than a temporarily nice arrangement of flowers.


Get your friends together to brain storm. Suggestions: Chocolate (of course.) Books (coping with death, inspirational, or something lighthearted - %26quot;Happiness is a Warm Puppy%26quot; comes to mind.) A gift certificate toward a day spa (or hairdresser, massage, manicure, or pedicure.) A charm for her bracelet or necklace, engraved with the name if it was picked out already. A snapshot of the happy couple from before this. Videos or CDs - again sappy or inspirational. A calling card if she doesn%26#039;t already have long distance - to call her friends.


I friend of mine recently lost her husband. She said most of her friends quit calling. Call your friend, even if it is just to say %26quot;Hi, I%26#039;m thinking of you.%26quot; It may seem awkward at first, but it gets easier. Take your clues from her. If she wants to talk about the baby, let her, if not, don%26#039;t press.


Don%26#039;t forget the husband. As big and as manly as he might be, he is suffering their loss, too, and may be very upset that his wife is hurting so much also.
Reply:flower seeds? or maybe get a tree (pear) that she can plant, so she will alwyas have a way to remember her baby that never was.
Reply:She might appreciate some personal pampering products--Bath and Body Works type stuff. Also, if you could find an encouraging book for her (Chicken Soup for the Soul--type), especially related to her situation or to her personal faith if you can find it. If you know what kind of snacks or treats she likes (gourmet coffee or chocolates) that might be good to include as well.


That along with a sweet card with personal notes would be a sweet and thoughtful way to reach out to her.





I don%26#039;t know if they had named the baby or had any sort of memorial, but if you feel it would be appropriate you might consider placing a book in a children%26#039;s library (either public community library or her church library) in memory of this baby. (Or just in their names?)





The reason this would be special is that one day, if/when she has other children, she might have the opportunity to share this book with those children and somehow connect them to the baby she lost. I would only do this if you thought it would mean something to her and not add to her pain somehow.





The other thing sort of similar to this you could do is to send her a seedling of a tree to plant in their yard in memory of this child. I have given bushes or trees to families who have lost children or loved ones and they have expressed that it was a very special remembrance. Since you are doing this long-distance that may be kind of trick to pull off, but it%26#039;s a thought.
Reply:your compassion and support
Reply:If she moved away, I would send her something from home, a local favorite or something like that. Most important is just to show her that she is still loved and thought about in her time of grief.
Reply:omg, this is a great idea. I too, lost a baby and i feel her pain. U sound like a great friennd. Absolutely nothing to do with babies. Idk her religious aspects, so that MIGHT be a possibility. it helped me some. A cute nick nack or a gift card to a spa or otherspecial treat like the movies to get her out and feel a lil better. another idea is a stuffed animal to just hold when she crys..and believe me..she will have rebounds of cryin. sorry for her loss, hope i helped. I also agree with the people above stating to go to her..it would help. Also, the tree planting thing helps too. i did that. I did feel sader with the death and so sorry cards. I got a card that simply stated, I%26#039;m here for u when u need to talk. it was soo sweet and i ended up confiding in her.
Reply:I think the best thing you could do is write a letter expressing your feelings and thoughts to her. I am not sure a box would be helpful at this point- maybe later.
Reply:Just let her know you will be there for her. She needs time to just be left alone. Sometimes too much fuss is the last thing you want when your grieving.
Reply:Tell her you can only imagine her sorrow. Then tell her that god knows what he is doing.
Reply:Having had a miscarriage myself I can honestly tell you that the best thing for her right now is having a good support group. She%26#039;ll need someone to talk to, even if you can%26#039;t relate to what she is saying, just being there and listening means a lot. Having a good friend is the best thing for her right now and part of being a friend is also making sure her husband is giving her his support as well. I was isolated from my family and my husband was not there for me and I fell into a great depression so please be there for her and make sure her husband knows this as well. She needs most of all to be held and comforted and to know that it was not her fault.
Reply:As much as I hate to say this, there really isn%26#039;t anything that you can do to help her. Only time will heal her wounds. The best thing you can do now is to offer her support. Perhaps, you should do something unique and give her more than %26#039;surface%26#039; support. If you know your friend pretty well, you should know what she would really want in this situation even if she doesn%26#039;t know it herself yet.
Reply:Are there any spas close to where she lives? You guys could go together to get her a day at a spa, or a massage. Might make her feel a little better. I don%26#039;t know though...that is such a tough situation. When you loose a child it seems like nothing really makes them feel a whole lot better. Just the thought that people are thinking about her will help a lot! Hope everything works out.
Reply:I had a friend who had a baby pass away, and she told me that she wanted to be left alone. It made her sad when people sent her things because she didn%26#039;t want all the extra attention, and the %26quot;omg im so sorry%26quot;s. Instead I told her I was there for her if she needed to talk. Your friend might be different, but my advice is the best gift you can give is your ears and yoru heart.
Reply:Obviously a visit would be best...





My mom got this gift for a friend of mine and she later said that it really helped her. http://www.babylosskit.com/baby_loss_kit...





We also got her an engraved necklace with the baby%26#039;s approximate conception and death dates on it. People may say that she needs to %26quot;get over it%26quot; or that she can have another baby, but it%26#039;s important to memoralize the baby she lost in some way. This will give her a chance to mourn and come to terms with the loss.





More than anything make sure you provide her plenty of support and comfort.
Reply:You know, the box is a good idea, but something I saw a while back impressed me.





It is a living memorial, where a tree is planted in memory of the loved one.





Some names of organizations who do this are treegivers.com, treepeople.org, and there are several others.





Google it to find the specifics for the state she lives in. There is a wheeping willow at a lake near where I live with a small plaque under it as a memorial. I am always touched by it and the tree is so beautiful it gives pleasure to everyone who sees it.
Reply:I wouldnt go all out for something like that. Really it is so personal she may not want people to make it a big deal, everytime they do it reminds her of her lose. If I were you a simple card to know you care and that you are there for her is all that is needed. You dont have to focus on the baby but focus on a friendship that is unconditional and let her know that no matter what she goes through she is in your thoughts and prayers and whenever she needs you you will be there for her. That is good enough I wouldnt press it or make a big deal of it.
Reply:tricky 1 - im sure whatever you put in it will be a lovely gesture, myself i think i would appreciate a large bottle of spirit!!





perhaps you could all chip in for tickets for a little getaway holiday so they can escape %26amp; grieve 2gether %26amp; start 2 heal
Reply:Try giving her something meaningful taht represents strength, hope or family... My mother lost 2 babies and we made her a bracelet with the stones of the birth months of when the twins would have been born. It was really hard for her to accept it and truthfully the only thing that will help her heal is time buit presents that symbolize the babies life to teach her not to forget them or things that symbolize hope are really good ideas...





goodluck to you and to your friend
Reply:a new baby



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